Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
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God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
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The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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