You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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