apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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