I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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