I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
