after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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