i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
