I'm really into asian looking animals
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
