So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
