Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
