Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
