Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
