So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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