she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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