I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
how drunk are you?
Several
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
