are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
