I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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