dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
