No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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