dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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