Sponge bath it is.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
