Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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