You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
