hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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