K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
