Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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