3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
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I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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