I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
