i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
