dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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