Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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