just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
