So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i think i have herpe
just one?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
