I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
True strength comes from lack of pants
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
