I accidentally had phone sex last night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
There's even glitter on my cock...
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