Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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