you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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