Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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