no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
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Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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