After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
