u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
