she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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