pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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