So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
