Pappa wants mamma naked
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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