I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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