Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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