Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
