i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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