You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
