I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize