hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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