Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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