Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
