but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
