I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
