I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
