We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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