Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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