Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
