I didn't shave. On purpose
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
