I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
