I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
