is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize