Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
