so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
